by G. Jack Urso
 |
| A promotional advertisement for Andy Breckman,
circa 1979-1980. |
Writer Andy
Breckman’s comedy act before Hot Hero
Sandwich featured him playing guitar to his own somewhat dark comic compositions, such as one song which featured “a man who is either a mass murderer or just clumsy” — pretty much exactly what someone who wrote for
David Letterman and created Monk
might come up with. You can check out Andy’s interview with the Hot Hero
Sandwich project at Hot Hero Sandwich — Off-Script with
Writer Andy Breckman.
Andy turned in
some poignant yet still fun songs with “Tommy Two” and “My Friend Bernie.” The songs are layered with meaning and use comedy to camouflage a deeper lesson. Two recently uncovered unaired songs from Hot Hero Sandwich, however, give a glimpse of Andy's slightly darker nightclub humor.
From deep within
the Hot Hero Sandwich Project Archives
I have discovered some very interesting bits of nearly lost history. Among the finds, including some Andy Breckman
promotional materials from his time as a nightclub comic, were also a couple
scripts with lyrics to songs he composed, and recorded, but never aired: “The
Revenge Song” and “Playing Hard to Get.”
In reviewing the
production shooting schedule (see image below) for Tuesday, July 17, 1979, Breckman
and the “Breckettes” (the Hot Hero Band) performed and recorded the two aforementioned songs and “Dipstyck,” a song for
which I’ve not discovered the lyrics for yet, on the “Disco Set.”
 |
| Production shooting schedule for July 17, 1979. |
First up, “The
Revenge Song,” filmed on Studio-8H, Tu., July 17, 1979. was slated for Episode 1, but
got cut due to time constraints. This shows a bit harder edge than the bittersweet
underpinnings of “Tommy Two” and “My Friend Bernie.” A young man, tormented by a childhood bully, works out and
studies the martial arts for years. Grown up, he tracks his bully down and . .
. promptly gets beat up — again.
 |
“The Revenge Song” lyrics page from an original Hot Hero Sandwich episode 1 script.
|
The Revenge Song
Chorus:
Let’s sing about peace on Earth.
No, no, no, I want to sing about revenge.
Let’s sing about love, love, love.
No, no. I’d rather sing about revenge.
When I was in fifth grade, many years ago
Billy MacGown stole my radio
He made fun of my mother, he broke my bike.
He was the meanest kid I ever knew.
Every afternoon at three o’clock he’d be waiting for me
Out in the parking lot
He used to throw me down on the ground and kick me in the
stomach
Real hard till I turned black and blue.
Chorus:
Let’s sing about the birds and the bees.
No, no, no, I want to sing about revenge.
Let’s sing about the flowers and the trees.
No, no. I am talking ‘bout revenge.
For ten long years I studied kung fu.
I practice karate and jujitsu too.
For ten long years I worked out every day
Till I was stronger than I was ever before.
I jogged and swam and I lifted the weight.
I had to register my hands with New York State.
And when I felt I was ready I took a bus back home
And I knocked on Billy’s door.
Chorus:
Let’s sing about the Woodstock nation.
No, no, man. I’m singing ‘bout revenge.
Let’s sing about the good vibration.
Will you shut-up! Can’t you see I’m talking ‘bout revenge.
I said, “Hey man, remember me?
I was a little kid then but as you can see
I ain’t no more. Now get on out here.
You’re gonna get what’s coming to you.”
He threw me down on the ground and began to kick me real
hard.
I said, “Oh, no, not again.”
He probably would have killed me if they hadn’t pulled him off.
It still hurts me right here every time I take a breath.
Chorus:
Let’s sing about peace on Earth.
Peace on Earth? Sounds good to me.
Let’s sing about love, love, love.
I don’t want to hear no more about revenge.
I still can’t touch my toes.
Do you want to see my scar?
Love, love, love, love, love, love.
___________________________________________________
The next song, “Playing
Hard to Get” may not translate too well from the late ‘70s zeitgeist which gave
it birth. There is a certain stalker vibe to it, though at 15 in 1979 I would have
just thought it a funny song about some guy who couldn’t take a hint. Its intention, in context of the script, was to point out the immature aspects of such behavior. “Playing
Hard to Get” was also filmed Tu., July 17, 1979.
The “Playing Hard to Get” lyrics from the script.
Playing Hard to Get
by Andy Breckman
There used to be a girl named Linda living down the street.
She used to scream and run away whenever we would meet.
Everytime I’d telephone she’d hang right up – and yet
I think she really liked me, but was playing hard to get.
Sometimes I used to follow her as she’d come down the block.
She used to say if you don’t quit I’m gonna call a cop.
How them handcuffs pinched my wrist I never will forget.
She was crazy for my lovin’, just playing hard to get.
One time she beat me up so bad
My leg was in a sling.
I hobbled around for half a year,
Love’s a many splendored thing!
I understand she’s married now and living in L.A.
She’s got two kids already with another on the way
She’s never called or written me but still I do suspect
She’s crazy for my loving, just playing hard to get.
All the girls adore me, they’re just playing hard to get.
● ● ●
