Thursday, September 30, 2021

Why They Don’t Tell Jokes in an Italian Household

by G. Jack Urso 

Son: Hey Pop, want to hear a joke?


Father: You mean what you got your college degree in?


Mother: He could have been an accountant, or maybe a lawyer, but nooo . . .


Son: Maaaa!


Father: Big man, huh? Majoring in “Sociology.” He was going to change the world. How’s the job at Amazon going?


Mother: Your Aunt Katherine, she could have gotten you a job at the post office. Benefits . . . a  pension . . .


Son: Amazon has benefits too, mom.


Mother: I don’t care what they say, the post office is always going to be here. Amazon, who knows?


Son: That’s not true Mom!


Mother: Don’t talk to your mother that way!


Son: I’ve got a right to live my own life!


Father: Not in MY house you don’t!


Mother: Your house! My name is on that mortgage too, don’t you forget. If it wasn’t for my parents there wouldn’t have been a down payment and we would still be living on Flatbush Ave. Is that what you want? For us to be living in a third floor walk-up on FLATBUSH!


Son: Yeah, is that what you want for us Pop? For us to live on Flatbush?


Mother: You stay out of this mister college boy! This is between your father and me!


Father: You’ve been talking about me!


Father: Don’t talk back! You want a fresh one? [raises his hand]


Mother: [crying] 18 hours of labor, for what? He’s not even engaged.


Father: Maaa . . .


Mother: [still crying] Your brother Danny, he has two children now — our grandchildren — and he’s two years younger than you!


Son: With two different woman in two years, and he started at 16, and he doesn’t pay child support!


[Mother sobs louder]


Father: Look at what you did to your mother. YOU’RE BREAKING HER HEART! Is this the way a mother gets treated by her son?


Mother: My son, my son . . . I DON’T HAVE A SON!


Son: Ma! I love you Ma!


Mother: Words, just words!


Son: I have to get out of here. [walks out the door]


Father: Go on Mr. Big Shot. Get out!


Mother: If you go by Rappazzo’s Bakery pick up some cannoli.


Father: And rugelach. Pick up some rugelach.


Mother: Tell Mrs. Rappazzo I said hello.


Father: Here’s some money


Son: That’s a lot more than I’ll need.


Father: [whispering] Keep the change. Don’t tell your mother.


[Son leaves]


Mother: He’s a nice boy.


Father: I wonder what the joke was?



Tuesday, September 21, 2021

Autumn Equinox

by G. Jack Urso


in mid-August, the leaves begin to change

an almost imperceptible metamorphosis

then, the first flocks of geese honks its way south


by late-September the crickets still holding on

are stragglers who’ve yet to find mates

their once deafening sound slowly surrenders to silence


bodies of water release the warmth

they’ve gathered all summer long

as fog when the cold mornings set in


reaping, the Harvest Moon 

gathers what was sown

leaving the Earth brown and withered


the summer season sloughs off

just as winter knocks

on the door of the autumn equinox 

Spoken word version by the author. Hosted on the Aeolus 13 Umbra Sound Cloud channel.

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